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Members (Community) Forum Boards >> Bereavement and Grief >> loss no matter what it is

Message started by Helen on 07/16/08 at 07:28:31

Title: loss no matter what it is
Post by Helen on 07/16/08 at 07:28:31

Who can gauge on what part of this list the order should have been, this was harder to list than i thought...

Please forgive the order of the list ... i have changed it many times.
I feel each loss is as big to one person as the other.

Title: Re: loss no matter what it is
Post by angelswings on 07/16/08 at 20:09:00

I replied, parent, child and best friend, as you all know Emma WAS my best friend.  :'(

Title: Re: loss no matter what it is
Post by livelife on 09/16/08 at 03:01:26

I have lost a lot...
I have gained more in experience in everyone of those losses

Title: Re: loss no matter what it is
Post by sheilasheffield on 10/12/08 at 20:42:45

very interesing to see how many people have lost some of the same things that i have.  how tragic it is to loose these things.  :'(

Title: Re: loss no matter what it is
Post by purplelily32 on 10/13/08 at 01:12:26

When I lost my grandmother...the grief felt unbearable...4 years of sufferening and then i lost my adopted mother not so bad...because i found out i was pregnant after 3 months....and then i lost my father...and i greive so much...that sometimes i loose sight of myself and its been two i also have lost alot in my 33 years of life...and i feel i'm still lost.... :'(

Title: Re: loss no matter what it is
Post by Steve Freeman on 10/30/08 at 17:30:45

Your thought in changing the sequence of each type of loss Helen i feel reflects everything has value from materialistic things to all sumbitted it shows how loss effects us not just with the passing over of loved ones and pets.

I love and encourage your positive gift as we all go through loss and need to feel comfort as we go through the emotions. we never forget the above tick box as they are apart of us always.

Title: Re: loss no matter what it is
Post by snow on 10/30/08 at 21:52:04

 I know that losing a child is more painful than anything.  I lost one and everyday I think about all of the 'what-ifs'.  I beat myself up, wondering if only I could have done something 'more' my child would be here today...
 I am blessed, however with the two beautiful children I have now, and I am so thankful that they are healthy and happy.


Title: Re: loss no matter what it is
Post by DeidreNicoleFaithMariaGarcia on 11/16/08 at 02:27:28

Wow.. sorry to you all who have lost someone. Its' hard i know...

Title: Re: loss no matter what it is
Post by ree on 11/18/08 at 08:49:18

i havent lost a best friend but numerous people within my friendship circles. could friend be included on poll?
its so true that loss is experienced diff for different people. some of my family lost a house and never truely recovered from it, some people think they are being trivial but they have never felt at home anywhere else and its hard to exist without a place to call home.
Thanks for making me think about the importance of loss to others
Ree xxxx

Title: Re: loss no matter what it is
Post by Jo79 on 12/22/08 at 18:51:27

I lost my grandparent nearly 4 years ago after helping nurse his through the last year of his illness (while i was preg too)

The pain is still so raw but i havent "come to terms" with it yet

Title: Re: loss no matter what it is
Post by angelswings on 05/19/09 at 12:28:48

Jo, I don't think anybody "gets over" the passing of a loved one, we just learn to cope a little better as each day passes.
The grieving process is a long and hard road to walk hun, but with help, you can do it, you will find that help here or proffessionally by talking to councellors.
We here hold a Bereavement circle every Tuesday evening at 8pm in the Sacred Circle in chat, you will be very welcome to join us hun, and maybe we can help you take the first few steps on the road to recovery.
Blessings to you hun.

Title: Re: loss no matter what it is
Post by Luckyone on 05/19/09 at 22:00:10

In losing,  we gain so much more by going through the experiences.  ;)

Title: Re: loss no matter what it is
Post by kizzie on 09/07/09 at 10:04:20

parent, sister, aunt/uncle, grandparent, best friend, pet, marriage, business/job, relationship, friendship, faith, will to live

A crappy end to a crappy life.

Im not even going to bother trying anymore. Im not ending it, just hoping the end will come by itself very soon.

I woke up this morning and this forum popped into my head ( took me ages to find it again)  Im going to read and see if I can feel anything  that lights a spark in me.  

Title: Re: loss no matter what it is
Post by Cho on 11/10/09 at 00:35:09

grandparent, best friend, pet, friendship, possessions, jewelry, faith, will to live

My great-grandma died in 2006, and my babci (grandma in polish) when I was 5. I've metaphorically lost some of my best friends from another forum, since I do not go on there any more, and even though we tried, we lost contact and we no longer speak, and I worry about them every day. My cat of 5 years died this summer. I've lost many friendships because of chaning personalities or hidden ones. Possessions and jewelry....I've been told I'm very forgetful.

My faith in the world....has died many times. My will to live died when my paretns divorced, but has been revived thanks to my friends.

Title: Re: loss no matter what it is
Post by PeacefulGirl on 07/11/10 at 15:43:11

I have lost one parent it has been a very difficult topic to talk in my family sometimes i hold back my tears so no one in my family will start crying because they get worse especially my sister i just need the strong one :'(

Title: Re: loss no matter what it is
Post by don86 on 09/19/10 at 23:39:50

hi everyone ive recently lost 2 babies through miscarriage first 9th may second 24th aug this year r.i.p mummy loves you both xxxxxxxxxx :'(

Title: Re: loss no matter what it is
Post by Panther on 09/20/10 at 21:05:48

I believe that the list of losses changes with each person. What is a greater loss - a spouse, a child, a parent, a friend, a pet? The intensity of grief is related to our own hearts and spirits. We feel what we feel and there is no one or can, or should, tell us otherwise. I can only say "I'm so sorry" to all of us who has lost someone or something. I have lost my husband (the love of my life), my parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, many pets, cousins, friends and friendships.

Title: Re: loss no matter what it is
Post by CaraLynn27 on 08/05/11 at 23:44:45

Recently just lost my Fiance, I've never had anyone so close to me die.

Title: Re: loss no matter what it is
Post by rockymthorserider on 10/20/11 at 21:26:30

One should not have to watch everyone who they love so much, die. But I have had to do it many times these last 6 yrs. When my life long friend Jan died of a sudden heart attack, I was devastated. Paced the floor, panic attack, could not breathe, had to walk the dark road for hours just to exist. Then 2 mos later, my beloved dog Dahmingo bled from her rectum. Rushing her to the vet, I had to have her put down as the cancer she was fighting got worse. I still to this day, feel so alone without these 2 special loves in my life. Then I watched my dear mom die. I lost 10 dear people in a short time leaving me alone and wanting to die too. Then I was taken to ABT and this site saved me and gave me a reason to live. The pain of loss will always be there but I know now my loved ones, especially Jan, are with me. I now look forward to death.

Title: Re: loss no matter what it is
Post by ginni15 on 10/20/11 at 22:03:14

On June 12th of this year, my beautiful 18 year old daughter, her handsome 20 year old fiance and my precious 11 month old granddaughter were suddenly and tragically taken. Suddenly my heart was torn from my chest and shattered into a million pieces...denial, anger, grief, depression, anxiety attacks, fear of leaving the house alll piled up on me like a heaviness I have never experienced.  Life is never going to be the same for me again....our family chain was ripped apart that horrible day and has left a gaping hole in all of us who are still here on earth.

LOSS???  Oh yes it was huge!!  But lately I have been thinking, and I suddenly realized, yes I have gone through a tragic loss...but what have I gained from all of this??

That was definately a hard one to swallow, because in the throws of grief, we rarely stop to think what we have gained.

1.  Yes I have lost part of my precious family, but I have gained 3 beautiful angels that will forever be a part of me

2.  Yes I have lost my precious loved ones, and no more will I see them walk on this earth....but have gained a greater faith in that I know they are walking with God in His beautiful Home, never will they have to experience hurt, pain, suffering and grief that we have had to go through.

3.  Yes I have lost the day to day enjoyment of hearing my daughter laugh, watch her daily growth as a mother, see her marry, possibly have other my granddaughter grow, talk, play and laugh.  But I have gained a stronger trust because I know one day I will be with them again, will be able to hug and kiss them, talk to them or laugh with them when it's my time to leave this world.

So....yes I have gone through a dramatic loss....but oh what I have gained!

Blessings to all

Title: Re: loss no matter what it is
Post by rockymthorserider on 10/23/11 at 00:09:06

wow Ginny, Have you grown so much in these last few months. I hug you and hug you. You wrote these things you have gained from your heart that is coming back together. I thank GOD for showing you your gains my dear friend. I too, know, that I will be with my loved ones again and there will be no more heartache, chronic pain, etc. Just LOVE and happiness with whom we now miss so much. [smiley=thhugss.gif]

Title: Re: loss no matter what it is
Post by harajukusparkes on 04/02/12 at 05:37:54

I chose grandparent (all 4 of them but mind you 1 died before i was born!) best friend (only just died i found out 2 days ago!) pet (quite a few of those some went missing a few died!) relationship (lost 2 caused tonnes of heartbreak I'm awaiting my twin flame who i've found but am not with yet!) faith (life keeps kicking me in the teeth and has all my life so that's a very hard one to keep hold of!!) will to live (I've lost this one a million times in my 26 & a half years thus far!  :'(

happy lil' bunny aren't I?! >_<

Title: Re: loss no matter what it is
Post by Buriedindreams on 07/09/14 at 22:26:13

I chose brother, grandparent, best friend, pet, relationship, friendship and faith. I lost my brother a bit over 6 years ago. The grandparent I lost was such an amazing soul. The best friend stands for my brother and for a close, dear friend of mine that passed. As a family, we'd lost a dog that my brother and I grew up with. As for relationships and friendships, I have lost them but it doesn't mean (necessarily) that it's a bad thing.

I've experienced a lot of loss in life. It's made me stronger, though it will never stop hurting. I never truly let myself grieve and that's one of the big reasons I've been looking into healing myself. <3

Title: Re: loss no matter what it is
Post by jellybean21 on 08/20/14 at 07:57:26

I recently lost my ex-fiancés mother an that was the most difficult thing I have been through. She has been there for me for the past decade when no one else was, and she ment the world to me. encouraged me daily to be a better person. im saddened by her lost but also know shes in a better place. its rough but I feel with support an time I can heal, any encouraging words?

Title: Re: loss no matter what it is
Post by Helen on 08/20/14 at 11:01:55

Hello jellybean,
thank you for posting here and sharing with us. You sound like you know you are going to get through this.. although you know its going to be hard. I feel that she is with you still and not gone anywhere. She felt you were  a daughter to her.
Some days may be better or worse than others... The relief when the pain stops or numbs in grief is something i am aware of myself when it happens to me.
I know everyone says time is the healer .. it is. the pain of losing those years ago that i love so much is now memory. Everyone is different. Some cant let go of the grief and don't want to.
You sounds like a wonderful optimistic person you will get

Title: Re: loss no matter what it is
Post by AnbSlt on 08/29/16 at 12:23:15

Out of all the losses in my life, loosing my sister has been the worst one.  I done lots of research on grief and sibling loss.  I have found it is true the siblings left behind are often forgotten about by society as the parents and grandparents take the "forefront" of the grievers and the remaining siblings attempt to pic the siblings up for the parents and help them heal while putting our grief to the side and really altering our grieving process.  These are just some thoughts.  There are not many places the left behind siblings can voice how we feel and I am thankful to have found this site.

Title: Re: loss no matter what it is
Post by Helen on 08/30/16 at 09:12:03

Thank you for posting here. It would break my heart in two to lose my sister. She is all I have left. People do seem to think oh sister right that isnt as bad as losing child mum dad grandad... ..

Anyone you lose depending on the relationship at times can cause so much hurt and needed healing. I dread the day it happens to me. You sounded close to your Sister. I hope she has peace where she is and you feel her with you as love lives on.


Title: Re: loss no matter what it is
Post by AnbSlt on 09/06/16 at 04:49:17

Helen, i hope the day is no where near soon for you.  My sister and I were and still are very close as I feel her near me every day.  A bond between sisters is something you dont realize the value or strength of until it is tested by removal.  
I agree with you on the fact that many people are like oh its just a sister, but its is certainly not "just" a sister, that female is an extension of you no matter what age gap there is.  So love your sister and hug her tight and tell her often how much you love her  :)

Title: Re: loss no matter what it is
Post by Helen on 09/06/16 at 17:58:48

I do this often. Life is precious. and gone in an instant. I love her with all my heart. Thank you for reminding me of how much I love her.x

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