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i really need help

Posted: Wed Mar 07, 2018 9:04 pm
by cjo1time
my life is currently in shambles my love life is a mess idk what to do right now

Re: i really need help

Posted: Wed Mar 07, 2018 9:20 pm
by littleoc
It is time to move on.

You are putting so much effort into this that it feels forced, and he is unable to handle this himself (which is not your problem) and he is not returning that effort back to you.

He has hurt the trust of this relationship, either by keeping secrets or by refusing to trust you, while you are bending over backwards trying to make it work.

You love him, yes, but maybe not as much as you will love a future partner you have not yet met. It is questionable if he loves you, and you might be mistaking doubt and negative attention for "mixed signals." Mixed signals mean it's not working.

It is possible to repair the relationship, but it would be one sided and only your effort. However, he might be willing to open up more, or he might be willing to act as though it were your fault despite your effort and/or that you "made" him keep secrets.

If you do repair it, it is possible you will be living in fear of betrayal.

Ironically -- though keep in mind that his behavior was not your fault -- this is a wake up call meant for you in this time in your life. It is time to begin sticking up for yourself, and to be firm in how others treat you. Despite your views, you DO deserve more respect than this. You do not deserve to be the one living in fear of being abandoned -- and you will never do it to another either. Instead, you deserve to feel secured, and stable. You deserve to be able to handle pain without needing to go crawling back to those that hurt you. You will be able to draw that line, and to take control of this, more on your terms. You will learn to respect yourself from this.

I'm sorry for all you're going through, but let it help you grow. Don't let it break you down.

With everything else that overwhelms you... learn to accept your limitations and understand your emotions. Give yourself space to heal. And remind yourself that you are good enough, and capable, and you are going to get through this.