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The ebb and the flow

Going through tough times, need some support we are here :)

Esteban
Posts: 31
Joined: Mon Jun 12, 2017 10:15 pm

Unread post Tue Aug 01, 2017 12:39 am

I first poated this in the old forum and it was the primary reason I joined. Some veteran members might recognize it. Here is the story behind this phenomenon I experience every year around this time.

Seventeen years ago I was a college drop out a year removed from high school. My childhood dream of becoming an engineer had been derailed by a lack of focus. I spent my days at preparing myself to enter the military to gain discipline and experience. I was lonely and had no confidence with girls. I decided to give chat rooms a try to meet people.

On a fateful night 3 days before Christmas 17 years ago I met a woman in a chat room. We chatted every night for hours about each other. She was a mother of two going through a divorce. We adored each other's personalities and then each other's voices when we started talking on the phone, and became emotionally very close. We wanted to meet in person and take things further. We wrote each other poems and she was the first woman to mail me a love letter with perfume and a lipstick kiss.

I contact with her in the days leading up to my departure for training. I received no letters from her all throughout training and sporadically until the following year. She revealed she was dating someone but still wanted to meet me in person. She lived in Roswell, NM and I was strategically an 8 hour drive away at Fort Hood TX. I was hirt that she was with someone else but drive to see her anyway. I had seen pictures her but she never saw one of me. When we finally met we saw the connection was real, like we always knew each other. I found her quite attractive and her body language told me she found me attractive too. Her boyfriend was quite jealous but was never rude. All three of us went out and she focused on me. Then her and I went to a casino that she always tslked about taking me to. I had to fight back tears whenI left but I had a great time and confirmed my feelings our feelings are real.

I got an email from her a week later hinting that her boyfriend was starting fights over me visiting(a friend of his saw me kiss her at the casino. I became infuriated and vowed to return and teach him a lesson for putting his hands on her. I left the base without permission, wrecked my car, and got in trouble. I returned for Thanksgiving only to find there was another man there interested in her who did not like her boyfriend. He lived next door and I had to stay at his place to keep peace. Her daughters visited her and I enjoyed playing with them. After that one time meeting them they asked about me for years to come. Me and the other guy refereed a few fights between her and the boyfriend, and protecteda friend of hers from a violent boyfriend before I left.

The next visit I actually took leave for and spent nrarly 3 weeks there. Me and the other guy got her boyfriend arrested on warrants and then partied every day we her and her friend until I had to go. I did not hear from her again until a few months later. She called and told me off because she found out me and the other guy were trying to have her abusive boyfriend 'taken care of'. I would not hear from her for months. I received orders to be station in South Korea for a year. She contacted me not long after I got there needing money, so I sent her ehat I could. Dhe revealed she left her boyfriend and was staying with her mother in El Paso. I planned to make my move. I would visit her for birthday in August bearing gifts, which included a ring to show her how serious I was. I would not hear from her until my flight landed in El Paso. My stomach had an odd feeling on final approach.

No one was at the airport to meet me. I called her mother to ask where she was. Her mother never met e but she recognized me as the guy in the Army that her daughter always talks about. Her mother revealed she was kicked out of the house after the boyfriend came doen to be with her. They were both on the streets. I was devastated cried myself to sleep that night. Sent her a very angry email, to which she later responded and confirmed she was homeless and back with her boyfriend. I met up with her at a church on her birthday and visited her a few times under the overpass that she called home. I gave her the gifts I bought and mentioned the ring. She declined fighting back tears. I left and took the long flight home the next day. A few weeks later she revealed she left her boyfriend after he beat her up really bad.

I started talking to another woman online and told her the story. She asked me to give her a chance, we met a fee months later and married a year later. The woman who broke my heart emailed a few months later to say she met a guy who treats her right, and that I helped show her how she should be treated.

I decided to reach out to her 6 years ago, and through some artful Facebook sleuthing, found her. She is happily married to the guy she started dating not long after I last saw her. She wrote a very touching apology telling me I will always be her greatest and closest friend and was sorry she hurt me. We message each other on occassion and never bring up the past.

I am in the quandary of having two soul mates. My big heart loves both my wife and my ex. That love will alwaysbe there whether I ended up with her or not. All the feelings come back annually around this time of year. Some days it's of the happy feelings and times I shared with her, and other times I feels the sadness. This is my burden to bear. You know what is crazy? I would do it all over again.

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Owlscrying
Posts: 1377
Joined: Mon Apr 03, 2017 3:21 am

Unread post Tue Aug 01, 2017 3:01 am

Image Estaben

I'd think a soul-mate, can be others who mirror ourselves, and one can have many.

A connection that can be an extension of ourselves.

Thusly, each separate soul-mate can have it's own unique bond, none being the same as the other.

Those who are attuned, connecting with the same passions, as well as shared empathy.

Say, you can have a bond in sharing music, another with nature, etc.

Each showing and learning different experiences.

Ones that enhances, enriches not just when you are together, but also when apart.


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Esteban
Posts: 31
Joined: Mon Jun 12, 2017 10:15 pm

Unread post Tue Aug 01, 2017 3:41 am

I am attuned with her in so many ways that meeting in person was so natural, as was the progression of our feelings. I will never forget the experience and what it did for both of us. We both have special places in our hearts for each other.

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Samanthaj
Posts: 836
Joined: Fri Apr 07, 2017 5:19 am

Unread post Tue Aug 01, 2017 5:21 pm

Owlscrying wrote:
Tue Aug 01, 2017 3:01 am
Image Estaben

I'd think a soul-mate, can be others who mirror ourselves, and one can have many.

A connection that can be an extension of ourselves.

Thusly, each separate soul-mate can have it's own unique bond, none being the same as the other.

Those who are attuned, connecting with the same passions, as well as shared empathy.

Say, you can have a bond in sharing music, another with nature, etc.

Each showing and learning different experiences.

Ones that enhances, enriches not just when you are together, but also when apart.

 

Couldn't agree more
It's always been my personal belief we can / do have more than one soulmate, and some can even be friends, family (and then, romantic/lover) :o)

Others who mirror ourselves is a good way of putting it.. they can mirror the goodness within us, some can counteract the negative we see within ourselves,
They all heal us in many different (big and small) ways
A little like entering a native land, and meeting that one person/small handful of people who speak your language.. a feeling of being at home. Worries and anxiety gone, you feel relaxed around them, you feel they know you
I am attuned with her in so many ways that meeting in person was so natural, as was the progression of our feelings. I will never forget the experience and what it did for both of us. We both have special places in our hearts for each other.
Isn't that special? .. as owl said, they are the ones who continue to inspire us across any physical distance or absence.. their lessons , the positive, sticks with you.
I think when you meet those people, it's good to hold on tight..even if you need to be apart, it's hard to let go and forget them..maybe even impossible.. though it's good to hold on to the life lessons , to remember the good things they reminded you/taught you on a soul-level.. and above all, the love. Love never leaves or dies.. it's powerful and nothing can break through it..

Thanks for sharing Esteban
Lokah samastah sukhino bhavantu

Esteban
Posts: 31
Joined: Mon Jun 12, 2017 10:15 pm

Unread post Wed Aug 02, 2017 3:10 am

Thank you so much for your input and insight for clarity and understanding Owl and Samanthaj. A reminder of why I joined this wonderful site in the first place.

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