So, before I start this, I was diagnosed early in life with Psychopathy and MPD (Multiple Personality Disorder), and always fancied myself an empath because I could feel people's feelings around me. I never really had a good handle on it until I learned to bury my psychosis deep inside my soul. Pretty much casting out most of the emotions I grew up with so I never actually feel things unless I let myself, or if spiritual energy passes around/through me. Which is where this post begins. (Sorry, not quite sure how to start, so that's my best bet to give a background)
Ever since I was 14, I had repeating nightmares that start off in a movie theater that's apparently empty, images of my life flashing so fast I can hardly tell what's there on the large screen in front of me. Suddenly, an image of a male cloaked entirely in white with no features, just a solid white form, starts to come out of the bottom of the screen. He's not what I would call an imposing figure, but the instant his foot hits the ground the theater is filled with screaming things. They don't seem to be people, just black forms that start running in fear. Pushing me out of that hellscape in their own fear. Normally, the carpet is a light tan, and the lights flicker on and off as the white mass approaches the crowed as we run from it. But lately, the once tan floor and blackish walls are covered in blood, a smell so familiar to me at this point in time. We keep running down this never-ending hall when suddenly the area around me changes and it's now the street I grew up on, only more hellish. Houses are a charcoal color and the sky is a deep red color with black clouds and a white sun, or I guess it could be a moon but it's featureless. I feel the tears welling up in my eyes as I hear bodies snapping and I find myself on the steps of the house I grew up in. The two trees upfront completely burned down and the house barely recognizable as it too had caught on fire. I feel something pull me inside no matter how much I protest, the white figure now with a menacing grin on its face as it approaches, sharp teeth like fangs on a hungry dog snapping in my direction as I am pulled through the living room, out through the kitchen and into the back yard. Only instead of a playset and some trees outback, there is a large crack in the earth stretching out like a spider web. And at its center is a tree of massive proportions. And hanging from each branch are people. Most are the black forms screaming and writhing in pain as the chains keeping them up and connected to this dead abomination of a tree is barbed wire. Crow-like masses plucking at their featureless bodies as they get devoured. But the worst is when I see people I knew, people I had loved, people I hated, people I care for.... Their screams haunting my every waking moment, every time I close my eyes it's that tree that's terrorized me for as long as I can remember.... And I cannot wake up fully until I watch all the bodies get eaten, leaving their souls to rest there in eternal torment. And even if I manage to wake up my body is paralyzed until the scene is finished. The white form nowhere to be seen.
That is what I would like to say as the ending. But in reality, I see this form everywhere now. It's like it came out of my nightmares and into reality. No matter where I am, I can feel it around me, and I know its not another personality and am somewhat certain that it isn't paranormal. Because of my Pschyosis didn't manifest the same way it does when say Im around spirits in a haunted place. Cause normally, I feel this urge, these cravings I have flow all over my body, but when this white figure gets closer to me, I feel it only on the left side of my body. Like only one side wanted act out while the other side was perfectly fine. Its a very strange feeling. I honestly need some tips on what may be going on, cause if Im going crazy, well then at least I would know that I need to double down to keep things in check
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