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We Are Women

What are your personal beliefs, please share in your thoughts.

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ShadowOfLight
Posts: 80
Joined: Tue Apr 25, 2017 2:23 pm

Unread post Thu Aug 03, 2017 3:18 am

What is a Woman?

As we grow from girls, we are taught to be kind, be assured (but nottoo), and we are taught to be compliant and quiet. We are groomed to get a good husband, to keep the house, to support our husbands, and to raise our children. In short, we please our men, we keep the house, and we raise the brood. That is putting it simply and without much respect for what we, as women, truly do or have been through to even get there. But, we are powerful.

Tonight, it is 87 degrees inside and the physical reminders I have long seen as my failure as a wife are demandingly present. Most know I lost a child we were so excited to have, son included. I felt like a failure for weeks on months. If my husband had had a better wife, he would never know this feeling of loss. If my son had a better mother, he would not learn of adult heartache like this so early in his life. I felt that I had let them both down. And, to see the eyes of my dad and his girlfriend, I filled in the disappointment I had more than enough of. They were worried; I placed the hate/depression/regret.

But, as I sit here, under the cloud-covered stars and open window (and idiot neighbors revving engines and raising brews), feeling the cramps that never miss on the trigger of that night . . . I cannot help but think of all I thought I had lost and caused my husband, whom has never been less than my guiding light and rock in life. That place has been rightfully earned, as has his knighthood (Sir Pain-in-the-@##--it’s an endearing title). But, taking a moment to heed a lesson by my guides, I do not shut my light to what I so fear I brought upon them. Had I not been the reason of such failure? (tears are close now)

The answer is: No.

It happened. It happened because it was not meant to be—not just yet. And, to be a great woman, one deserving of such a man and son, as well as one they also deserve to have, I have to stand. We as women, we have to stand. We are given great gifts to bear in this world. We are the maidens of dream and quest, we are youth and fire to test the worth of the men we choose. We are not trophies. We are worth it! The good, the difficult, and the pain. We are the strength for our mates as they need and the shared joy when they (we as a couple) win. We are the hard work that he cannot handle alone. We are the keeper of the home as we grow to shoulder that which only we can do. Bearing children is a key part of the Mother’s cycle (Maiden, Mother, Crone).

Little is said of the true expanse of this stage in life. We take on a child to grow then raise. Alone or with another, we carry them for the first nine months of life, as they develop. And we love them before they even have a face. Oh, the joy this family of three held while awaiting the next arrival. Except, things go wrong. Babies are not simple things, they are not toys or a DVD player, or a cigarette lighter. They are living beings, made from DNA, cells, tissue, circulation and the process is not without its own risk. As cells grow and split to create themselves into said tissue, organs, the bones, they undergo mitosis. And that process sometimes goes awry. This is where the magical, living world bows to science. We are at its mercy and no more at fault than a fish is for the rain. This is merely a trial of the Mother’s Stage, to show what we as women are strong enough to handle.

Our baby never developed beyond the 6w mark. I began the miscarriage at 12w, my body and I so set on being a good home for the growing one that we nearly hijacked the body’s natural and scientific need of release. When it finally won out, my husband was taking us home from a belated birthday dinner (mine) where he would grab his work bag and head out after stolen hugs and extra kisses. I’m grateful to say we did not make it home, more than an hour out of town, when an ambulance would have taken 30m (if the gods drove) to get there. Three quarters the way home . . . we turned around; dropped our son with the grandparents and raced to the only equipped ER to handle the situation. Made it in time to enter the ER doors, confused and nearly collapse. Never had better service (I have to joke, or I cannot cope). Hope returned when my husband returned to my side (had to park the truck and navigate a hospital he did not know). I held his hand as tight as I could as the life flowed out of me (it did get that close). But, he was not all I held onto. Did not understand it then, but I do now. I was holding on to being a mother (to his kids) and to being his wife; to making our home. I was holding onto the Mother’s Stage of my life.

I am not ready to give this part of the cycle up. I had tried to prevent it when I was younger (most of us do), but I would never try to hurry this away. It is a stage we as women are meant to have and in various ways. It may not be our kids we are raising, or teaching, or our meals we are making, or even our own family we are endowing with smiles. The motherly touch is as vast in design as we women are made. The Mother’s Stage is: love. The Maiden is: youth. The Crone: wisdom.

One day, maybe I will reach it. For now, I’m taking my place among the Mothers. If some of us miss that step of gaining children, we still are Mothers, for simply having tried or having held that want. The hallmark of the center stage of our life is: love. Our actions in trying to share that give us our strength. And our losing it, as it may happen in life, is testament that we are stronger still. That Maiden fire and feistiness never left us. It had galvanized within us to carry us through these rocky, stormy times. If we hold onto that love we are gifted with in this second stage and add it to the last, we get what we are meant to be. And we can stand.

So, what is a woman? Someone who gives without giving up. We are as defiant as we are generous and as compassionate as we are steeled. We are not the homemaker in that we cannot handle tough times. We are the second half that can shoulder the tougher moments given by gods and science. If we have a good mate, it only adds to our hope and focus to withstand the fires. If we are solo, trust me, wear that smile. We are not ownable trophies, nor do we need to be kept, or even allow such an appearance. We are wild. We are strong. If we stay, build a home out of a house, a family out of a man, we do so by choice. Never do we bow as a requirement.

We are women.
When I am gone and all light is lost, you will see me again...

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Owlscrying
Posts: 1412
Joined: Mon Apr 03, 2017 3:21 am

Unread post Thu Aug 03, 2017 7:35 am

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Sending Blessings, Healing and Much Love.

We are Sisters.


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ShadowOfLight wrote:
Thu Aug 03, 2017 3:18 am
So, what is a woman? Someone who gives without giving up. We are as defiant as we are generous and as compassionate as we are steeled. We are not the homemaker in that we cannot handle tough times. We are the second half that can shoulder the tougher moments given by gods and science. If we have a good mate, it only adds to our hope and focus to withstand the fires. If we are solo, trust me, wear that smile. We are not ownable trophies, nor do we need to be kept, or even allow such an appearance. We are wild. We are strong. If we stay, build a home out of a house, a family out of a man, we do so by choice. Never do we bow as a requirement.

We are women.
 
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