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past life experience. My mind is poison

Is there really life after death?

Honda420
Posts: 5
Joined: Sun Sep 22, 2019 10:13 am

Unread post Sun Sep 22, 2019 11:31 am

Hello folks.

I fell in love, hard with someone I've never met. Someone I've only talked to online/text. The crazy thing is he vlogs for YouTube.

I'll watch one of his videos it could be a 5 minute video and feel so at home and so comfortable and just such a connection with him. It scares me how much I want him and feel so connected with him. We've 'sexted' almost daily over the past month or so and he tells me how much hed want to have 'a good time' if you get what I mean and calls me baby but other than pleasing him and a few long conversations over that month or so it doesnt go much farther than that. I live a few states away from him and hes said multiple times he wants me to fly out but I have an injured knee right now and require surgery so flying out to see him isn't possible right now.


Another hiccup in the shit life I have.. I cant stop thinking/seeing flashes about what our life would be like together. It's like so vivid and clear it's scary. I'll just be sitting here doing something random not even talking to him and just see us sitting on the couch with our kids in our laps watching movies or just some random thing.(neither of us have kids)

I dream every night, EVERY night and it gets annoying my dreams are so vivid and surreal it's the craziest feeling. I've had many dreams about him, our wedding day, sending our kids to school, seeing him work on his car, being there with him to take me for a ride in his car. Just the most vivid things. On our wedding day his dad walked me down the isle I remember so clearly that moment so clearly its tears me up inside seeing that memory so vividly because I want that, I want to marry him I want his dad to walk me down the isle. His grandma giving me a family heirloom.

He has a girl where he lives that hes dated in the past and she lives with him and his sister and parents.. she was homeless and on hard drugs and she was his sisters bestfriend so I completely understand why she lives at the same house but she doesn't sleep in the same bed as him I'm sure of that! I know he still does have feeling for her which is totally fine, I dont expect him to just forget about someone he previously loved or had mad feelings for. The way he describes the relationship/friendship is he wants more and she friend zoned him pretty much.. I know I'm rambling but I need to get someones opinion or something man.

When we first started 'sexting' I was so nervous not because i was overly self conscious of my body but because my body was so overwhelmed with the feelings I have for him I was literally shaking so bad and was sweating and felt like I was on the verge of puking. I eventually overcame most of that feeling over time but If I were to meet him I'd probably pass out no joke. I guess what I'm trying to say is I feel like he is my past soulmate and we lost each other some how and I found him and that's why I feel so much of a connection.

I just cant decided if the drugs I've done in life have caught up to me or if I'm just a dumb ass person or shit maybe even both.

User avatar
Seven
Posts: 156
Joined: Thu Jun 20, 2019 10:08 pm

Unread post Tue Sep 24, 2019 10:52 pm

Honda420 wrote:
Sun Sep 22, 2019 11:31 am
Hello folks.

I fell in love, hard with someone I've never met. Someone I've only talked to online/text. The crazy thing is he vlogs for YouTube.

I'll watch one of his videos it could be a 5 minute video and feel so at home and so comfortable and just such a connection with him. It scares me how much I want him and feel so connected with him. We've 'sexted' almost daily over the past month or so and he tells me how much hed want to have 'a good time' if you get what I mean and calls me baby but other than pleasing him and a few long conversations over that month or so it doesnt go much farther than that. I live a few states away from him and hes said multiple times he wants me to fly out but I have an injured knee right now and require surgery so flying out to see him isn't possible right now.

Another hiccup in the shit life I have.. I cant stop thinking/seeing flashes about what our life would be like together. It's like so vivid and clear it's scary. I'll just be sitting here doing something random not even talking to him and just see us sitting on the couch with our kids in our laps watching movies or just some random thing.(neither of us have kids)

I dream every night, EVERY night and it gets annoying my dreams are so vivid and surreal it's the craziest feeling. I've had many dreams about him, our wedding day, sending our kids to school, seeing him work on his car, being there with him to take me for a ride in his car. Just the most vivid things. On our wedding day his dad walked me down the isle I remember so clearly that moment so clearly its tears me up inside seeing that memory so vividly because I want that, I want to marry him I want his dad to walk me down the isle. His grandma giving me a family heirloom.

He has a girl where he lives that hes dated in the past and she lives with him and his sister and parents.. she was homeless and on hard drugs and she was his sisters bestfriend so I completely understand why she lives at the same house but she doesn't sleep in the same bed as him I'm sure of that! I know he still does have feeling for her which is totally fine, I dont expect him to just forget about someone he previously loved or had mad feelings for. The way he describes the relationship/friendship is he wants more and she friend zoned him pretty much.. I know I'm rambling but I need to get someones opinion or something man.

When we first started 'sexting' I was so nervous not because i was overly self conscious of my body but because my body was so overwhelmed with the feelings I have for him I was literally shaking so bad and was sweating and felt like I was on the verge of puking. I eventually overcame most of that feeling over time but If I were to meet him I'd probably pass out no joke. I guess what I'm trying to say is I feel like he is my past soulmate and we lost each other some how and I found him and that's why I feel so much of a connection.

I just cant decided if the drugs I've done in life have caught up to me or if I'm just a dumb ass person or shit maybe even both.
There are many things I noticed............why can't he fly out to visit you (like to hear the excuses he would give), this seems to be where he has a booty call just a bedroom away.........a booty call a phone call away.....what other things do you 2 talk about my guess not much.........there's no real relationship here, you spend most of your time in a "what if world" with him. From what I have sensed he isn't a real deal, and that might burst your bubble. You mentioned your life isn't good why is that........instead of spending time on this fantasy that you built for yourself............develop your self worth, research places to go to meet others.......be around fun ppl that you enjoy, turn your life around and put actual ppl in your life those who care about you on all levels (leave the no where sex encounters behind) meet some who really is interested in you.
Venus lands in 11thhouse not a good place for a love interest to be indicating eyeballing any new fancy that he can conquer and not serious to develop a relationship, moon early degree indicates that as well.

Honda420
Posts: 5
Joined: Sun Sep 22, 2019 10:13 am

Unread post Thu Sep 26, 2019 8:24 am

There are many things I noticed............why can't he fly out to visit you (like to hear the excuses he would give), this seems to be where he has a booty call just a bedroom away.........a booty call a phone call away.....what other things do you 2 talk about my guess not much.........there's no real relationship here, you spend most of your time in a "what if world" with him. From what I have sensed he isn't a real deal, and that might burst your bubble. You mentioned your life isn't good why is that........instead of spending time on this fantasy that you built for yourself............develop your self worth, research places to go to meet others.......be around fun ppl that you enjoy, turn your life around and put actual ppl in your life those who care about you on all levels (leave the no where sex encounters behind) meet some who really is interested in you.
Venus lands in 11thhouse not a good place for a love interest to be indicating eyeballing any new fancy that he can conquer and not serious to develop a relationship, moon early degree indicates that as well.
[/quote]



Right he definitely could fly out just as easy! I honestly havnt thought about even asking him to come out here. I said my life was shit because I literally cant stop having visions/thoughts of him or even just our life together. It's made me depressed and just mainly sad that we both havnt tried to be together. At this point I dont even know what he wants out of what ever 'it' is. Or If I'm just another girl he talks to.. I mainly just want to either stop being so drawn to him and his aura or be in his life.. and like you said theres no real relationship or commitment or honesty nothing that keeps me attached to him but the strong feelings that pull me to him.

User avatar
Seven
Posts: 156
Joined: Thu Jun 20, 2019 10:08 pm

Unread post Fri Sep 27, 2019 12:53 pm

Honda420 wrote:
Thu Sep 26, 2019 8:24 am
There are many things I noticed............why can't he fly out to visit you (like to hear the excuses he would give), this seems to be where he has a booty call just a bedroom away.........a booty call a phone call away.....what other things do you 2 talk about my guess not much.........there's no real relationship here, you spend most of your time in a "what if world" with him. From what I have sensed he isn't a real deal, and that might burst your bubble. You mentioned your life isn't good why is that........instead of spending time on this fantasy that you built for yourself............develop your self worth, research places to go to meet others.......be around fun ppl that you enjoy, turn your life around and put actual ppl in your life those who care about you on all levels (leave the no where sex encounters behind) meet some who really is interested in you.
Venus lands in 11thhouse not a good place for a love interest to be indicating eyeballing any new fancy that he can conquer and not serious to develop a relationship, moon early degree indicates that as well.

Right he definitely could fly out just as easy! I honestly havnt thought about even asking him to come out here. I said my life was shit because I literally cant stop having visions/thoughts of him or even just our life together. It's made me depressed and just mainly sad that we both havnt tried to be together. At this point I dont even know what he wants out of what ever 'it' is. Or If I'm just another girl he talks to.. I mainly just want to either stop being so drawn to him and his aura or be in his life.. and like you said theres no real relationship or commitment or honesty nothing that keeps me attached to him but the strong feelings that pull me to him.
[/quote]



Your last sentence of....... "nothing keeps me attached to him but the strong feelings that pull me to him".
His (Moon) charismatic energy is what draws you in, (10th Leo) however since Moon will not make perfection with Mars, nothing serious will develop in his eyes/ how he views the situation. Sun combust Mercury energy again weak/no real direction and the whole situation takes on a dream like state of keeping you hanging in there for his own security......in other words to have females hanging on to his every word makes him feel better about himself......(shallow). This is not a good place for your energy to be doing it feeds his insecurities and the energy creates a mother type of energy hence Mars in 4th house environment. Where do ppl go when they feel insecure (they run or want to go home to mommy to kiss the boo boos). This is his energy to you, the how and why he has you hanging around.

Honda420
Posts: 5
Joined: Sun Sep 22, 2019 10:13 am

Unread post Sat Sep 28, 2019 1:54 am

I totally agree to everything you just said.! I dont see him wanting to move on from the girl he previously loved. I think its gonna take him years to get over her and I dont have years to wait around for him and just waste my time with hoping we could be together. And honestly if we do get together I would always just feel like hed be thinking of the other girl or something idk its just my insecurities I guess..

Honda420
Posts: 5
Joined: Sun Sep 22, 2019 10:13 am

Unread post Sat Sep 28, 2019 1:54 am

I totally agree to everything you just said.! I dont see him wanting to move on from the girl he previously loved. I think its gonna take him years to get over her and I dont have years to wait around for him and just waste my time with hoping we could be together. And honestly if we do get together I would always just feel like hed be thinking of the other girl or something idk its just my insecurities I guess..

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